


all the little pieces of you that i love

by taeyongsan



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Established Relationship, M/M, Yuta Says "I Love You"
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:41:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25821535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taeyongsan/pseuds/taeyongsan
Summary: Of course, Taeyong would be the first to sayI love you. And Yuta loves Taeyong but he can’t bring himself to say it just yet.
Relationships: Lee Taeyong/Nakamoto Yuta
Comments: 17
Kudos: 93
Collections: Yuta Fic Fest 2019-2020





	all the little pieces of you that i love

**Author's Note:**

> For Yuta Fic Fest.
> 
> #YP57: The many times Taeyong tells Yuta “I love you” and the one time Yuta finally says it back in those exact words.
> 
> Dear prompter, I tried my best with this super awesome and lovely prompt. I wanted to do a 5+1 fic but unfortunately, it did not end up going that way. In any case, I hope you (and everyone else) enjoy reading this! And a thank you to the mods for holding the fest!

Yuta grew up in a country where _I love you_ was never said. It was only something said in movies and television. To say _I love you_ in real life was… just not something they did. It wasn’t something he did.

But Taeyong was kind. And he was beautiful and he was pure. And Yuta was so… so… in love with him. How could he not be? How could he not be in love with Taeyong when he held entire galaxies in his eyes and genuine love in his heart? Taeyong believed there was good in everyone and everything, and he would never, ever be the first to doubt or speak badly about another. How could he not be in love when Taeyong was the one who took him into his arms and cared for him like no one else ever had?

So the first time Taeyong said it, Yuta was caught off guard but he expected nothing else from someone like Taeyong. There was no leading up to it, no tension, no butterflies or staring into wide, brown eyes, sparkling like stars. Taeyong was speaking without much thought, too distracted with handling the things in his hands and the way Yuta was precariously holding onto the picture frame in his hands now.

“Give me that,” Taeyong said, setting aside the items in his hands. He took the frame from Yuta and held it up to inspect. “I miss this.”

Yuta blinked a few times, not looking at Taeyong as he said something else. He was met with a small tilt of Taeyong’s head. “What did you say?” he asked.

“I said we should go back one day. Maybe in the summer?”

“Yeah,” Yuta said, running his tongue over his lips. “We can do that.”

It had been a long time. Yuta couldn’t remember the last time they had visited. Three years ago, if he recalled correctly. Things had been weird between them. Looking back now, Yuta knew it was his fault. While Taeyong was more open with his feelings, Yuta was not as obvious and for so long, Taeyong thought he had misinterpreted everything. It had taken many whispered words of reassurance to make Taeyong believe otherwise.

Yuta hadn’t said _I love you_ though.

“This was when I realized I loved you.” Taeyong ran his fingers over the glass once more. “That I love you.”

Yuta’s breath caught in his throat. “Is that so…”

Taeyong’s smile was soft and Yuta felt like he had witnessed something he wasn’t supposed to. It was gentle, the way the corners of his lips turned up and the way his eyelashes fluttered, the light coming from the window reflecting in such a careful way. Yuta looked away, stepped away.

Taeyong hadn’t expected an answer. Yuta knew that. Still, he couldn’t help but feel he owed him one, but the knot in his throat made it far too hard to open his mouth and speak. He could not tell Taeyong that when they were there, Yuta’s heart had thumped as loud as one hundred drums, eyes secretly looking over to Taeyong, wishing and wondering when and how they would end up.

He could save it for another day.

He would learn to say _I love you, too_ without saying it.

* * *

It only took a little to get Taeyong riled up. He fell for almost anything and whether he feigned ignorance or not, Yuta could never be sure. But he was sure about other things.

Yuta loved to praise and he was sure Taeyong loved to be praised. It was the simple kinds of praises that pleased Taeyong most. Yuta loved to watch the way Taeyong shivered underneath his touch, so good and so sweet, just for him. And that’s what Yuta would say to him.

“So good, Taeyong,” he murmured, brushing his fingertips over pale skin, feeling him shiver as he continued. “So sweet.”

The way Taeyong whined and gripped harder at the sheets beneath him was pleasing to Yuta. It set his entire body alight. And he knew he left the same sensation on Taeyong’s. It was obvious in the way the red blotches bloomed across his chest, all the way up to his neck and cheeks.

“So pretty,” Yuta continued.

It wasn’t the first time they had ended up here. And it wouldn’t be the last.

Yuta had never been the kind to date many people, much less sleep with them. They hadn’t been each other’s firsts but it didn’t matter now that they were together. For the time they had spent together and for the time they would spend together, they would be the only ones they needed.

Because no one had ever come to know Taeyong’s body the way Yuta did. Nobody knew that Taeyong liked to be touched there and be kissed here. Nobody knew the sounds Taeyong made, how nice and breathy his voice got and the dreamy sighs he let out when he was most pleased by something Yuta did. Yuta had been the only one to find out these things and even now, he continued to find out new things about Taeyong, so exposed and vulnerable beneath him under the cover of darkness.

Taeyong let out a shaky sigh, hand weakly wrapping around Yuta’s wrist, stopping him from touching. “I love it when you do that,” he whispered, and Yuta felt a chill run down his back. He loved hearing Taeyong’s voice like this, breathy and shaking, barely holding himself together. His eyelashes kissed his bottom eyelid as he closed his eyes, another unsteady breath leaving past his lip. “I love you.”

Again, Yuta held his breath. He looked down at Taeyong, taking in the way the shadows and light hit his body, making him look so, so sexy. The sharp line of his jaw, the curves of his swollen lips, the dips by his collarbones, the red color across his body, and how his skin shined from the thin layer of sweat over him… Yuta loved it. He loved him. So much.

But he could never say that.

“Yeah?” Yuta asked, leaning in to kiss Taeyong.

When they separated, Taeyong was panting, eyes opening slowly. In the dark light, Yuta could see his pupils were blown. So pretty, he thought. “Yeah,” Taeyong managed to say in between breaths. “I love you.”

Yuta closed his eyes for a moment, inhaling deeply. It smelled like sweat in the room. Yuta felt too hot all of a sudden, aware of the sweat at his neck and the closeness of their bodies, the warmth almost becoming too much. But Taeyong was waiting.

He opened his eyes and grinned. “I’ll take care of you tonight, Taeyong.”

And Taeyong accepted it, taking Yuta so beautifully. His whines were music to Yuta’s ears and as he came in between their stomachs, hot and white, Taeyong clutched onto his shoulders, mouth open in a silent moan. Yuta never stopped in his movements, wanting Taeyong to feel pleased, feel how much Yuta was attracted to him. Taeyong pulled Yuta down and placed a sloppy kiss by the corner of his mouth.

“I love you, Yuta,” Taeyong murmured against his cheek. “Now let me take care of you.”

* * *

Yuta didn’t eavesdrop. He wasn’t that nosey. If he happened to, it was most definitely an accident. And when it happened on accident, he left immediately, not wanting to invade someone else’s private conversation. But when the conversation was about him, Yuta was a little more curious to know.

He had met Taeyong’s family once. When they first met years ago, Taeyong had brought Yuta and some other friends to his family home to celebrate his birthday. Taeyong’s parents were sweet people, just like Taeyong. It was easy to see where he picked up certain things from. 

And from what Yuta knew, Taeyong was close to his mother. He called her often when Yuta wasn’t around. According to Taeyong, sometimes they talked for a few minutes or they could go on for hours. She was an easily distracted person and keeping her attention on one thing was difficult, Taeyong had said once.

So maybe, through some tangent, they had come to speak about Yuta.

He stood by the bedroom door. It was cracked open a little. Not enough for Yuta to be able to peer inside but enough for him to be able to hear what Taeyong was saying. And it was interesting to see how Taeyong spoke about him when he wasn’t there to stop him and tease.

“Yuta is a good person, you know? It’s been a few years now. We live together, Mom.” Taeyong stopped and there was silence. And then a small sigh. “I don’t just think that. I know that.”

It was wrong of Yuta to continue to listen but he couldn’t leave. Not now.

“Mom!” Taeyong’s laugh was bright and Yuta brought a hand over his mouth to keep himself from smiling. “I know, I know. But I really love him.”

A long pause.

“Yeah,” Taeyong said softly. “I love him.”

And Yuta began to wonder. How many times had Taeyong said those words to other people before he said them to Yuta? Had Taeyong been waiting, hoping for Yuta to be the first?

It hurt a little to think that could be a possibility. Or maybe not. Maybe Yuta was thinking too much of it. They had gone this much without having to say those words. Did it matter if they said them to each other?

Taeyong let out a sigh from inside the room. “He loves me, too.” A moment of quiet. “Or I think he does.”

No, no. Yuta wanted to go in and tell Taeyong he loved him. Because he did. Yuta loved Taeyong so much, his heart ached at the thought. With Taeyong, Yuta felt like he was safe. With Taeyong, Yuta felt like he was wanted. And he never wanted Taeyong to feel less wanted, less loved.

But the moment Yuta gathered the courage, Taeyong was already opening the door. “Yuta?” he asked, blinking a few times. “When―how… how long have you been here?”

Yuta pulled himself together. “I just heard you say bye to your mom. That’s all.” Taeyong nodded and Yuta felt at a loss. Before Taeyong sidestepped him, he grabbed the end of his sleeve. “Taeyong?”

“Huh?” Taeyong stopped and looked at him, curious.

 _I love you._ “Uh, nothing. I just―we should go visit your parents again soon. It’s almost your dad’s birthday, right?”

“Oh, yeah!” Taeyong smiled. “Let’s do that.”

Yuta let go of Taeyong’s sleeve and Taeyong left, leaving him alone by the bedroom door. Yuta cursed himself inside his mind.

What a wasted moment, he thought.

* * *

Taeyong was extra attentive to cute things. He was drawn towards small animals and cute kids that belonged to their friends and family. Yuta knew that. He’d seen Taeyong interact with cute things before as well, finding it endearing but there was something different about this time.

“Let’s get one!” Taeyong exclaimed. “They would love you as I love you. What do you say?”

Yuta blinked a few times, taking in the scene before him. Taeyong, a small child, and an even smaller dog. The three of them just looked back at him with big, brown eyes and Yuta felt a bit dumbfounded. “What?” He motioned between the small child sitting beside Taeyong and the dog in his hands. “Which one of these are you asking for?”

Taeyong laughed and the little girl beside him laughed as well, her shrill laugh a bit more forced and loud than Taeyong’s breathy, soft one. Yuta wasn’t sure who she was. The daughter of Taeyong’s cousin or something like that. And he wasn’t quite sure who the dog was and where it came from either. 

“Yuta, I mean the dog, of course.” In his hands, the dog began to growl, its eyes locked onto something Yuta can’t see. Taeyong set the dog on the ground and it ran off, the little girl chasing after it with a real laugh. Yuta took the seat she left behind, settling beside Taeyong. “So what do you think?”

Yuta shifted in the seat and after he found a comfortable position, Taeyong leaned against his, resting his head on his shoulder. It was comforting to have Taeyong beside him like this. Yuta’s hand found its way to Taeyong’s thigh, resting there for a moment before one of Taeyong’s hands came up, clasping their hands together and interlocking their fingers.

“I think…” Yuta stared out at the small party ahead of them. Taeyong’s family members crowded around the tables, chattering without much care, and a few small kids zipping in and out between them, the small dog chasing after them. It was loud but in a good way. “I think a pet is a lot to handle.”

Taeyong let go of Yuta’s hand to hug his arm and he whined. “Yuta,” he mumbled, lips turning down into a small pout. Yuta huffed out a small laugh but Taeyong seemed determined to his pouty persona. “Come on. I’ll love you forever.”

“H-hey,” Yuta stuttered out, feeling his face grow warm. “What kind of way of getting me on your side is that?”

He only received a sweet smile in return. “Come on. I know you want to. Yuta!”

Yuta swallowed hard. “And you… and you won’t love the pet more than me?”

Taeyong looked at him for a moment. He wasn’t taken off guard or upset by the question. He was considering it. Yuta nearly scowled as Taeyong gave him another smile, this time more teasing, slightly pulling his bottom lip between his teeth. He was playing with Yuta.

 _I love you_ , Yuta wanted to say, _so you can’t love a pet more than me, okay?_

“I could never love anything or anyone more than I love you, Nakamoto Yuta.”

Yuta took a deep breath, carefully pulling Taeyong’s hands away from his arm. He held onto one, loosely slipping his fingers into the spaces between Taeyong’s. “We can talk about it. I promise.”

And Taeyong smiled. It made Yuta’s heart ache. The color across his cheeks and the genuine hope and joy in his eyes were beautiful. Yuta would never be able to deny Taeyong anything if he asked this way, and if Taeyong ever found out about the effect such a face had on Yuta, he’d never be able to live it down.

“Thank you, Yuta.”

Yuta only hummed in response, letting Taeyong lean against him again. He held onto his hand a bit tighter, wondering if Taeyong knew.

 _Anything for you_ , he thought.

* * *

Had Yuta loved people before? Yes. He loved his family and his friends. But if someone were to ask him about a romantic kind of love, he wouldn’t be very sure about his answer. He liked people in the past but seeing as he was no longer with any of them, it was safe to say his like for them never turned into love.

For years, Yuta had known he loved Taeyong. They were friends first, finding each other as they entered adulthood and they grew together, finding themselves and helping each other out. And seeing Taeyong grow into himself, being by his side through his hardest moments, saw Yuta falling in love with everything about him. Maybe it was the same for Taeyong: seeing Yuta leave behind the awkward, gangly teenager he’d been in Japan and becoming a better, more confident version of himself.

When Yuta’s love became something more than platonic, he didn’t know. But once it hit him, four years ago, it hit him hard and fast. He could remember it to this day.

One night, on a trip to the seaside with their friends, they had separated themselves from the group to take a walk down to the convenience store. The entire day had been filled with water-related activities and even though they’d washed up at the hotel, the salty sea smell seemed to become a permanent presence. It was just them, walking down the bright, empty street.

And if Yuta recalled correctly, Taeyong ran ahead, the sound of his flip flops echoing as they hit the pavement. Taeyong was happy. It’d been so long since he had a break, Yuta remembered. There was always so much pressure on Taeyong and he worked himself to the bone so to see him let go for once, to laugh without worry, had been such a reassuring thing for Yuta.

Taeyong danced. Yuta had seen him perform on stages many, many times, and Taeyong was captivating. When Taeyong danced, everyone was entranced, their eyes watching and waiting for his next move with bated breath. Off-stage, Taeyong was a bit sillier. And that night, Taeyong giggled as he waved his arms around and spun in the middle of the empty street. He stopped to beckon Yuta, calling out to him in a soft voice, his eyes sparkling and a pretty shade of red crawling up his neck and to his cheeks and ears.

It was then Yuta realized. He loved Taeyong. He was _in love_ with Taeyong. He was in love with the way Taeyong spoke, the way his eyes shined, the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled and laughed, and how he moved, always graceful even when he wasn’t dancing. He was in love with Taeyong and his mind because Taeyong could be so, so complicated or almost too simple to believe, and Yuta was in awe, watching him put his thoughts into actions and working towards completion. It was everything. Yuta loved it all.

From that moment on for the duration of their trip, Yuta tried to be more obvious in his affections. But Yuta gave affection easily and looking back, he understood how Taeyong didn’t pick up on it. It had taken so much to finally get Taeyong alone again, on their last night there.

Taking Taeyong’s face, the look of surprise on it as Yuta ran his thumb over his cheekbone, his eyes flitting between meeting Yuta’s eyes and Yuta’s mouth, something like hope hanging in the air between their lips. Taeyong wanted it, Yuta realized then, just as much as he did.

And maybe Yuta should have said it then. Right before they kissed for the first time.

Taeyong had said it was the moment he realized he loved Yuta.

He imagined it now and it was perfect.

“Taeyong, I love you,” he would have said and then he would have kissed Taeyong breathless.

* * *

Just say it, Yuta repeated to himself for the ninth time. How could it be this hard for him to say it?

Taeyong didn’t seem to notice Yuta’s internal struggle, too busy waving his hands in front of the dog’s paws, laughing at how he jumped at him. Yuta hadn’t needed much convincing―he’d missed having a pet around. He remembered the dog he used to have in Japan and then he remembered Ruby. Perhaps seeing the dog at his cousin’s house reminded Taeyong about her. She’d been a cute but feisty little dog and Yuta had spent months trying to get her to warm up to him.

Thankfully, their new puppy, affectionately named Shiro, seemed to like him enough. He was completely in love with Taeyong though, tracking after him in the apartment, laying by his legs when he was cooking in the kitchen, and taking over his lap when he was on the couch. Yuta was almost jealous.

“I love you. Oh, you’re so cute,” Taeyong cooed, bringing his hand to the dog’s head and patting gently. “I already love you so much.”

Yuta stared at Taeyong for a minute. It was hard not to be endeared when Taeyong was like this. Shiro let out a few yips and Taeyong sighed, picking him up and bringing him close to his chest. Yuta moved his attention to Shiro, who seemed more than content in Taeyong’s arms.

“He loves you,” Yuta murmured. Taeyong looked up at him with a questioning glance. Yuta motioned to Shiro. “He is completely in love with you.”

“And I love him!” Taeyong exclaimed. He let Shiro go and they both watched as he ran off, disappearing to cause mischief elsewhere. Taeyong moved up to the couch and settled beside Yuta with a sigh. “I forgot how tiring puppies can be.”

“He’ll grow and learn.” Yuta wrapped an arm around Taeyong and brought him closer. The way Taeyong rested his head against Yuta’s shoulder was natural by this point. “But he seriously likes you too much, I think. He doesn’t even notice I’m here.”

“Are you jealous of the dog?”

Yuta scowled. “No,” he said. _The dog can’t love you more than I love you so that’s that._

Taeyong inhaled sharply as he brought his head up to look at Yuta. “What?”

“What?” Yuta blinked a few times at him but Taeyong said nothing. “Yong?”

“What did you say?”

“I didn’t say anything.” Yuta paused. Or had he? “Did I?”

Yuta had wanted to make it special. Fuck. He couldn’t have said it now. Not because of the _dog_. He carefully started to bring his arm back from around Taeyong’s shoulders, but Taeyong held onto his wrist, tugging his arm back into place.

“Say it again,” Taeyong said.

And Yuta saw it. The way Taeyong’s eyes were shining and the shy smile began to tug at the corners of his lips. The lightest, prettiest color of pink dusted over his cheeks and tinging the tips of his ears. So pretty.

“I love you,” Yuta whispered. He looked over Taeyong’s face again, admiring everything, from the small scar near his eye to the pink of his lips. So beautiful. “I love you.”

“Again,” Taeyong whispered. “Tell me again.”

“I love you.”

Finally, Taeyong smiled. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Yuta’s heart was pounding hard in his chest. He was positive Taeyong could hear it. His face grew warm and he looked away, huffing a little. “I’m sorry.”

“You’ve never had to say it, you know,” Taeyong murmured. He leaned in and kissed Yuta’s jaw. “I know you love me because you show me. Though, it is nice to hear you say it.”

“Yeah?” 

Yuta was right. Taeyong had known. But just as he said, it was nice to say it. So he took Taeyong’s face into his hand, watching as the surprise took over, his eyes moving between Yuta’s mouth and his eyes. Yuta felt the warmth of Taeyong’s breath against his lips.

Maybe Yuta wouldn’t say it often. It still was strange, saying it out loud even though he sincerely meant it. Taeyong would understand, he knew that. But every so often, when he was really happy and feeling so, so in love with Taeyong, he could tell him and prove it in a way only he could.

And it was reminiscent of their first kiss. Soft and maybe a little hesitant but still, so many words conveyed as their hands found the places they were meant to rest on as they moved together.

For now, and forever, Yuta knew he would love Taeyong with every part of himself. And he couldn’t put letting him know off for another day.

His lips ghosted over Taeyong’s as he spoke. “I really, really love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Here's where to find me and send me messages! [tumblr](https://taeyong-san.tumblr.com/) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/taeyongsan) | [cc](https://curiouscat.me/taeyongsan)


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